Confronting the effects of concussions

Matt Dauby returns for fifth season after granted medical hardship waiver

February 12, 2017

Matt Dauby has dealt with panic attacks, anxiety and depression as part of post-concussion syndrome, but therapy and the Hokies have helped him overcome those side effects. He hopes his story will help others

By Jimmy Robertson
Editor, Inside Hokie Sports

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The temperature was approximately 43 degrees, with wind gusts whipping the normally lazy flags at the University of Virginia’s Davenport Field. Afton Mountain loomed far in the background, and the sun played hide-and-seek among the clouds on this brisk afternoon. There certainly had been more comfortable conditions for playing baseball.

The overcast afternoon paled, though, in comparison to the dark clouds forming in the back of Matt Dauby’s mind. A third baseman on the Hokies’ baseball squad, he recognized the all-too-familiar signs and he desperately hoped that no UVA batter would lace one to him at his third base spot.

Unfortunately, a sharply hit grounder, one off the bat of Nate Irving, came right toward him with two outs and runners on base in the bottom of the seventh inning. The fear practically blinded him. He nearly never saw the ball, as it skipped into left field. The go-ahead run raced home, and the Hokies wound up losing 7-4 to the then-No. 1-ranked Cavaliers.

Dauby, charged with an error on the play, wanted to hide. He was a finely tuned athlete, a starter in the ACC. But the panic was just paralyzing – and embarrassing.

He and his teammates got on the bus. He sat in his seat and retreated into his own secluded world, which had turned into a dark place.

“I knew something was wrong and that I had to get help,” Dauby said.

The team arrived back on campus at 9:30 that evening. Dauby told his teammates that he was going to go out with a girl.

He instead hopped in his car and drove nine straight hours to his hometown of Carmel, Indiana, just outside of Indianapolis.

He wasn’t sure if he would return.

Depression. Anxiety disorders. Panic attacks. Mental illness. Most Americans shrug off these terms, but the statistics show a burgeoning problem. According to the National Network of Depression Centers, one in five Americans will be impacted by mental illnesses during their lifetimes and as many Americans die from suicide as from breast cancer.

Mental illnesses do not discriminate, as many high-profile stories attest. Examples include Junior Seau, a former San Diego Chargers linebacker, and Mike Flanagan, a former pitcher with the Baltimore Orioles. Both ended their lives, though for differing reasons.

Dauby’s struggles with panic attacks, anxiety and depression originated because of concussions. He suffered three in high school, including two while playing basketball. Unaware of the long-term effects of a concussion, Dauby’s parents, Steve and Barb, didn’t realize the magnitude of the effects on their son until a conversation between Steve and Matt took place in Steve’s car one day while Matt was still in high school.

“He’s always been a great kid, but he was down and acting like a teenager, acting like he didn’t care,” Steve Dauby said. “I’m like, ‘What are you doing?’ He broke down in the car and started crying. He said, ‘You don’t even know what’s going on.’ I said, ‘Well, tell me.’ That’s when he opened up. He said he felt badly every day and couldn’t control his thoughts.

“I didn’t know where it was coming from, but I knew then we had to get him in to see somebody. We had a relationship with a psychologist at a local school and I took him in to see her, and she said, ‘Steve, he’s got post-concussion syndrome.’ I’m like, ‘What is that?’ I didn’t know anything about it.”

The Mayo Clinic defines post-concussion syndrome as a “complex disorder in which various symptoms – such as headaches and dizziness – last for weeks and sometimes months after the injury that caused the concussion.” The symptoms occur usually within the first seven to 10 days and go away within three months, but they can persist for longer.

Matt Dauby was struggling physically and academically, as the cumulative effect of the blows kept him from focusing. His doctors kept him from playing baseball his sophomore season and basketball during his junior year.

Shortly after the diagnosis, Steve Dauby took his son to see Dr. Micky Collins, an internationally renowned expert in sports-related concussions based at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, on three or four different occasions. Collins agreed with the diagnosis of post-concussion syndrome, but decided to clear Dauby to play baseball in the spring of his junior year – provided he took his medication daily.

“He [Collins] told us that it [the effects] could go away or not go away,” Steve Dauby said. “But he was more worried about the depression [from Matt not being allowed to play sports] than he was about Matt getting hit in the head again. He didn’t want him to play basketball, but he would let him play baseball. There was a risk, but the risk of depression was greater.”

The symptoms subsided somewhat, as Matt returned to the baseball field. He ultimately became a Division I prospect, receiving offers from most of the schools in Indiana and several outside of the state.

The Virginia Tech staff, led by Pete Hughes at the time, saw him at a baseball tournament in Atlanta. They liked what they saw and invited him for an official visit.

“I honestly didn’t come with a lot of expectations, thinking I probably wasn’t going to go here,” he said. “But when I stepped on campus, I was totally blown away. I loved it.”

He committed after receiving a scholarship offer. Everything went well for Dauby during his freshman season in 2013. He played in 39 games, starting 21 of them, and he made good grades. Things were looking upward.

But the side effects returned.

Steve Dauby noticed when he traveled to LSU to watch Matt and the Hokies play. He saw his son at the team hotel before the game and he almost told Virginia Tech coach Pat Mason, who had taken over for Hughes, not to play Matt. During warm-ups, Matt locked himself in the dugout bathroom and started crying. He told no one on the team.

“Weeks of hopelessness, not feeling right, all came out about 30 minutes to game time,” Matt said. “We were getting ready to play in front of 10,000 fans at one of the best stadiums in the country on national television. This is every baseball player’s dream growing up.

“But 30 minutes from one of the coolest opportunities of my baseball career, I was crying my eyes out, wondering what was wrong with me and praying that the feelings I were having would be gone the next day, just like I did every night."

Dauby pulled himself together enough to play in the game. He committed two errors.

The stress of being a shortstop in the ACC combined with the stress of taking high-level accounting classes only made the situation worse. He had tried a new medication, but that, too, wasn’t helping.

He still tried to play and there were pockets of excellence. He notched two doubles and two runs against Delaware and three hits and a homer against UMass Lowell. He had two hits against VCU.

But his struggle with anxiety and panic attacks became apparent at the start of ACC play. He played all three games of the Clemson series, but Mason noticed something was amiss.

“I was very worried,” Mason said. “The first thing that I had told him early that fall was that I was here for him. I was the head coach then [in his first year], and I knew what he had dealt with. So we started that relationship. I wanted to break that ice and alleviate any stress that could be there for him. He did a good job of hiding some things, so I probably didn’t see as much as I would have liked to.

“We had an open communication process in which he’d let me know if he was having a bad day, but I don’t think he was at a point where he could be honest every day.”

Dauby did not play the first two games of that UVA series, but Mason inserted him into the starting lineup for the finale. Steve Dauby watched that game on television and knew exactly what was transpiring.

After the game ended, he called his son.

“That was the last straw,” Steve said. “I told him, ‘We’re done. You need to come home.’”

Matt Dauby methodically drove through the night after that UVA game. He was driving home in hopes of driving toward a better future.

He arrived in Carmel shortly before dawn. His parents immediately called Mason and left a message. Mason returned the message a couple of hours later, expressing relief that Dauby was at home, offering support and resolutely assuring them that Dauby’s place within the Virginia Tech baseball program would not change.

“He [Mason] was more than understanding,” Dauby said. “Most coaches around the country would not have treated the situation the way Coach Mason did. He took the time to get educated on how serious of an issue this was becoming in athletes and supported me throughout my journey of finding myself again. He has shown that he is extremely passionate about winning, but also has the same amount of passion for assisting in the overall well being of his players, short term and long term.”

In that conversation, Mason made a suggestion to Steve Dauby that probably changed Matt’s life.

Dr. Gary Bennett works in the Virginia Tech Athletics Department as the department’s sport psychologist. In 2000, he started working with Tech student-athletes, and in 2007, he became one of the nation’s first sport psychologists of an athletics program when then-Tech AD Jim Weaver brought him aboard on a full-time basis. Bennett routinely meets with student-athletes for counseling sessions – he met with 244 during the past academic year – and he also coordinates educational sessions about issues related to various topics, including depression and anxiety.

In 2014, Bennett brought Will Heininger, a former Michigan football player, to campus to meet with a large group of student-athletes. Heininger spoke about his struggles with depression and anxiety – though his issues were not related to concussions – and he encouraged student-athletes to seek therapy as a means of coping instead of hiding within oneself or abusing certain substances. A therapist there in Michigan had helped him turn his life around.

Mason suggested that the Daubys get in contact with Heininger, so that he and Matt, two people of common backgrounds, could share their struggles.

“I was at the point where I’d try anything,” Steve Dauby said.

They contacted Heininger, and he strongly suggested therapy, telling Matt of how much it helped him. Until this point, Dauby’s treatment consisted primarily of medication.

A hesitant Dauby, at his parents’ urging, agreed to meet with a therapist – Jennifer Horn, the same woman who diagnosed post-concussion syndrome. He spent that week at home and met with her on three occasions. Though he faced a long road, he started feeling better about his direction.

At the end of that week, he convinced his family to let him return to Tech and they acquiesced, so he made the nine-hour trek back to Blacksburg, filled with apprehension. He knew his teammates and friends off the field had questions, but he dreaded answering them.

During that week in Carmel, nearly every one of his teammates called or sent a text message. Mason had informed the team that Dauby needed to step away from baseball for a while to take care of some personal matters, but he never got into specifics. When asked, he told people that Dauby was out with a hamstring injury, unapologetically lying to protect Dauby’s privacy.

Some of Dauby’s closest teammates knew of his problems stemming from the concussions, but never fully understood the extent of those issues.

“I was eager to get back, but at the same time, I was nervous,” Dauby said. “I was a younger guy at the time, so the juniors and seniors, I didn’t know how they were going to take it. Nothing came of it, but in my own head, I wondered if they were talking about it when I wasn’t there or thinking about it.

“I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me or feel bad for me or try to help. It was something I had to deal with. I didn’t tell anyone about it because I didn’t want people to treat me differently or feel bad for me.”

Things certainly didn’t turn around all at once. He missed the remainder of that baseball season. He wanted to be on the team and hanging out with the guys. It pained him when his roommates went on road trips, but he knew he needed to overcome his mental issues first.

He also struggled with all the questions. People constantly asked him what was wrong, ignorant of his situation. He refused to open up and expose himself for the world to see.

“It [his mental struggles] was kind of embarrassing,” he said. “And at the time, I felt like it was a weakness.”

Dauby spent the rest of that spring going to classes, studying and visiting regularly with Bennett, who became his “Blacksburg” therapist. He worked on mental exercises and meditation, attempting to train himself to think differently.

Once the semester ended, he never gave summer baseball a thought, admitting to himself that he still needed time to work through his anxieties. He met with Horn three or four times a week and performed his mental exercises. This continued throughout the remainder of the summer.

In fact, 2014 marked the longest year of his life. He wasn’t sure if he would ever see the baseball diamond again.

The results of months of therapy started to pay off in the fall. Dauby returned to campus and met periodically with Bennett. He continued with his relaxation techniques and mental exercises. He even consulted with Horn on occasion. He started feeling better and his demeanor reflected that, as he became a more positive person. He focused on his academics, and his grades improved.

There remained one question to answer, as he traversed this return path toward happiness – what to do about baseball?

He always wanted to come back. He liked the sport, obviously, but like most athletes at any level, he enjoyed the daily interaction with his teammates and missed that just as much. As he improved mentally, he decided to ask Mason if he could re-join the Tech team.

“I told him, ‘There is no asking to be back on the team,’” Mason said. “That door was always open. He had made some progress during the summer. You could tell his focus was to try and play baseball again.”

Dauby, though, struggled on the field in the fall of 2014. Missing the majority of the Hokies’ season the previous spring and subsequent summer league action kept him from sharpening his skills.

He and Mason had a frank conversation after the fall season ended, and Mason offered to make him a part of the coaching staff just to keep him around the team and the game.

“All I was trying to do was to give him an out if he wanted it,” Mason said. “I wanted to give him the opportunity to think about a new career, or be a part of the game of baseball without the stress of playing in the middle infield in the ACC and he definitely thought about that.

“The only thing I cared about was Matt waking up on a daily basis and enjoying his life. I focused my attention as a coach to do whatever I could to make that happen. Whether he played baseball again … that was not my goal. My goal was to do whatever we could to help Matt enjoy waking up every day.”

Dauby thought about Mason’s offer. He thought about transferring and going to a smaller school, one with fewer distractions and less pressure. But he stuck it out and kept grinding, working to get back to the player he once was. He only played in 18 games as a junior in 2015, but he felt himself turning a corner – as a player, but more importantly, with his life.

His comeback took a huge step forward this past season, as Dauby earned the starting job at second base and started 59 of the Hokies’ 61 games. He hit .255, with three homers and 17 RBI.

The production occurred despite playing with a broken bone in his foot that required surgery following the season. Two years ago, maybe even a year ago, such an injury would have sent him spiraling toward a dark place.

Not any more.

“I trained my mind, knowing that I would have days that would be bad,” Dauby said. “But if something bad happens, I learned not to let it control my life.

“I worked to change my thinking and took a step back and looked at what I had – the opportunities I had and the friends I had. I saw the good I had in my life that I hadn’t been able to see. Ever since, I’ve been happier than ever.”

The Virginia Tech baseball team opened fall practice on Sept. 16 and Dauby took to the field feeling better than he had in years. He returns for his fifth season – the NCAA granted a medical hardship waiver because of his bout with post-concussion syndrome.

Last year brought forth a newfound confidence, as he managed an injury and some intense situations that, in the past, would have paralyzed him. He continues to work with Bennett and Horn, following the protocol that got him to this point.

“I owe Jennifer and Dr. Bennett my life,” he said. “I can’t express in words my gratitude to both of them for help saving my life.”

Follow-up visits to doctors have been positive. They have no concerns.

Of course, his parents, being typical parents, watch him with a bit of worry.

“I’m not very comfortable even watching him bat, honestly,” Steve Dauby said. “But I’m very proud of him. He could have turned to drugs or alcohol, but that’s not who he is. He’s not going to give up. He’s not going to quit. I admire him so much for the way he’s handled all this.”

Matt Dauby grows more comfortable every day. He is excited about the upcoming season and his team – one that he says possesses a lot of the similarities of the 2013 NCAA regional squad. He also gets excited when talking about graduating next May with his degrees in accounting and marketing.

More importantly, he’s excited about sharing his story in hopes of making a difference in someone’s life.

“I know there are a lot of people going through similar things that I did,” he said.
“Obviously, everyone has their own particular situation, but I know people are going through it and are afraid or embarrassed to say something as a Division I athlete at a major university. I’d really like to be able to help people similar to myself.

“It [mental illness] can affect you on the field and off the field. It can paralyze you and make it impossible to play sports, or get good grades or go out socially. It can be a downward spiral if you don’t try to get help. I am serious when I say that I’m there for a contact for anyone who needs someone to talk to.”

Matt Dauby could have become another negative statistic, a victim of a tragedy beyond his control.

Fortunately for those who know him, he has become so much more.

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